Of Kota Marudu and PSP?

It is almost a week after I got to know which state I will be posted to. In a week, I have been to Singapore, back to KL and managed to get to know that I will be sent to Kota Marudu, flying from KLIA on the 7th day of January 2009. More specifically, within the week, I actually managed to hold a Kenduri Doa Selamat and Kesyukuran, celebrated my grandma’s birthday with perfect attendance of my cousins (which rarely happened because I was abroad, my cousins were in boarding school etc), went out for a farewell lunch and breakfast with my closest friends and last but not least, I bought a PSP. Portable Play Station. Can I just say that, the thought that I might not have proper ‘entertainment’ in Sabah lead me to make the purchase? I was not and I am still not a game addict or enthusiast. I just like the idea of having a portable machine that can store things; pictures, songs, movies and of course all sort of games. So, that’s my explanation.

Of going to Sabah, I must say that I was shocked but not really surprised. One string has been pulled and it failed. My recommendation letter from my former GB (during practicum) also didn’t quite play the magic. I took the news quite alright. My mother was unhappy but my father was quite supportive. Quoting him; ‘You just go,kakak…Yang menurut perintah, right’. He was right.

Right after the trip to Singapore, I started to pack my things much to the dismay of my mother. She thought I was too eager to leave her. Ding dong. It was not that I was too eager, it was because I basically had nothing to do during the hols and by packing up my stuff, I guessed I was utilising my time for the right thing.

About going and not going. There are few friends that I learned might not be going to ‘lapor diri’. I have no judgement and not in the position to make one. It is up to the one; to decide whether he or she shall take the first step of their future right away (that means to lapor diri on the required date) or let it linger a while (wait for the second posting offer which might come in two months or four years time) or let it pass (which means you let the offer pass?). None of the mentioned acts promises a strong and solid future, personally, that’s what I think. Each has its own advantages, risks and challenges that require one to carefully choose and walk on. I guess I am being very broad here.

I have to say that I am very motivated to go and teach in Sabah despite of all the shocking news. I will (partially) list them, in order:
Placed in Sabah
Placed in Kota Marudu. Alone while others mostly got Sandakan. And I was with that shocking news for half an hour before a friend called and said she got Kota Marudu too. You do not want to know what I have been thinking during that half an hour.

The truth is, my source of motivation is me, myself and I. Of course, there are people around me who gave a lot of nasihat and kata-kata pendek for me to go and look for valuable experiences in Sabah but they are just saying those to respond to the news (that I’ll be going to Sabah), I think. The real motivator is the thing inside my head that keeps telling me that it is alright to start my career in a place that I might have not imagined I’d be in before. I can’t keep my on my comfort ground all the times. Sometimes, I just have to let KLCC go…and go explore Pasar Pagi in Kota Marudu instead? And I believe in one thing; He will always be with me. Allah is the best of providers. I really love saying that. And, just now, I read Abang Faisal’s entry about being posted to Sabah and I was touched by what he wrote. Saya tumpang letak ye, abg Faisal…


Life might not be fair to you,
but...it doesn't give you the right to treat other people unfairly.
Life might not be fair to you,
but... you could make it fair to millions of life around you.
Life might not seem to be fair to you,
but... who are you to say so,
when you're destined to be great,
you're fated to something more!
(firus_azali_ 070108)
a poem written as a challenge to my own self,
without intention of implying it to anyone else.

I appreciate this short poem, probably written from the deepest point of his heart and this piece of writing is actually helping me to play support for the motivation button in my head. Adding to that, The Ustaz who lead the prayers during the kenduri the other day said (dalam nada paling menyentuh hati) ‘Insya Allah, takpe pergi jauh, untuk mendidik anak bangsa’. Insya Allah.

I am now waiting for the day of the flight and I can’t wait to see the place physically. I am praying that I will not lose the battle that I haven’t fought for. Insya Allah. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hatiku. Amin.

One Ride Fits All

Can one size and I really mean one size fits for all, for everyone? Responding to one of the Ketua Pemuda aspirants’ (read: Mukhriz Mahathir) proposal to having just one type of school for the students in Malaysia, as a future teacher (who is still waiting for ‘the posting letter’) I personally feel that I have a right to say something.

I studied in an SRK school, mingled with almost 100% Malays up until I was in Form 3. Meanwhile, from the age of 10 until 17, I attended extra English classes every weekend and Alhamdulillah I could say that my English was quite good, thanks to my family’s policy about mastering the English language. In form 4, I shifted to Convent Bukit Nanas, and that was when I actually saw the true colours of Malaysia. The school, is an SMK filled with girls from various sorts; three main races, Malay, Chinese and Indian and some other races, girls with mixed parentage…oh we were all sorts, I could say.

I personally think that, during my school years, I had the best of both worlds, first in a school that I saw no other different colours and there were no issues, then in a school where I saw a lot of differences but none of the differences actually mattered. My circle of friends widened; maintained friendships from my previous school as well as blossoming friendships in CBN. It was in CBN that I knew that we were different but we felt indifferent.

In was in that school too that my perception towards ‘unity’ changed. I remembered that we conversed in both English and Bahasa, and, there were no indications that my identity or Kim Ann’s identity as a Malay and a Chinese respectively were about to change. Talking about our Bahasa competency, I am proud to announce that there was one Indian girl (its Shuba) who always managed to score the highest. It was almost, always her each time. And not once, that I saw Shuba claiming that she was converting to the ‘other’ culture. Thus, it has been my policy that the competency in (different) languages will not take away the ‘culture’ out of the person. Do you see where am I going?

Should we mix the students? As a teacher, I shall say yes. It is, in the classroom that, almost every lesson about almost everything will be taught. You might disagree with me, but I have my every reason to believe in such. When I did my teaching practice, I had a problem of mixing a few Malay and Indian girls for group activities. Lucky me, there were other girls who didn’t mind with whom they will be working with and their products were just brilliant. For the girls that I mentioned earlier, they couldn’t even move to any agreed decision for the task! That is just an example of how a little unity can go for a long way and how a dis-unity couldn’t move a muscle.

It is in schools that we are allowed and given the opportunity to learn about other people’s cultures. I feel awkward writing the word ‘other people’ because, really, I feel that no matter what colour you present but when you carry the word Warganegara, you are ‘us’ people or ‘our’ people and we just have our own unique ways of leading our lives and sometimes different sets of menus for lunch! Putting different menus in a school canteen would welcome a lot more options for the students, as well as for the teachers. And, yes, there should be guidelines or batas agama dan kesusilaan which will help and guide ‘us’ in the school. I hope you can see where my analogy is going.

Unity, for me, is about giving chances. When you give a chance, you will be rewarded with a chance too. Imagine if you give a lot of chances…what will you be getting in return?

As a beginning teacher, I see schools as the microcosm of the society. There is always the saying that if we want to change the society or the fate of the country, we need to change the education system. And, we keep changing the policies. And, we do not want to wait for the policies to unleash its effect in the long run. The different talks about Teaching Maths and Science in English, and now about mixing the students in one type of school are the type of talks that could bring to, again, the change of the policies. Allow yourself to take a minute and think, where would these two policies take us? Forward or backward?

If you asked me, I would answer, it depends on the policy of your heart. If you allow change to happen, you open door or probably doors to a lot of things. It might not promise you a bed of roses or a broken bed, but it could lead you to a lot of dreams and possibly, nightmares. Again, it depends on the policy of your heart.

Who says Malaysians can’t have the change of heart?

The Final Ride

We said goodbyes last Friday. Some goodbyes could be permanent. Some could be tipu-tipu ones. Permanent; when I or the other party choose not to keep in contact (which I have the super tendency to do so.woohoo), and tipu-tipu ones; when friends like nada syada ejat live just countable miles from me and of course, each other.

So, what is goodbye when you don’t cry, eh?

I cried. At first, I wanted to be macho wannabe but my friends knew that crying has been my core business since forever. I cried. I hugged a few friends, apologised for my wrong doings and stupid jokes then I cried. I never said I’d keep in touch because I was afraid of making up ‘unpromisable’ promises. I just said to few, ‘kahwin nanti jangan lupa jemput’.

I think I hugged Jaime and Ainur the longest. Jaime for the chemistry we built since we got back from our respective 2 yrs stint overseas. Ainur, for the time lost, I guessed. I love them both to the bones.

I didn’t say goodbye to nada. She’s the best. She’s my rock. My super understanding roommate. One who could actually live in the same room with me!

My UK buddies, they are super major (what the heck is major? (Tak kenal Posh eh?) Ina; I’d like to remind you, true friends are those who stay through thick and thin and that means even when you sakit. Leng; Kelantanese yang out of the box, speaks perfect English, you’ll never guess she’s a Kelantanese (adakah komen aku ni bersikap region-ist?). Ejat; we went a very long way together, one who can speak with my mood and moods. Love her to bits. And my Mimsy; super kakak, her words could break you but her smile can make you! Love you, mi!

I said goodbyes to my housemates; Aziati and Niza; memang cool hsemates (yang lain pun cool gak) but Aziati is less cooool-ler because she stayed back during our KISSM exam. Thanks to my super housemates, for the memories. Hey, my favourite housemate; Hanna from Benoni. Which part of Malaysia is that? Go google it. She’s a real head-banger cum head turner! Muah!

I said goodbye-s too to Zue, Nisahk, Syada, Sayda, Syida, Soya and many other girls and also the boys. Love you guys to bits too! I exchanged the ‘glance’ with Mien. I think we had the unspoken love hate relationship. There were things I did, which he didn’t agree and things he did I didn’t agree. But hey, it was Friday and our final day. We exchanged the ‘look’, I heard he said sorry, and I said those words too and seikhlasnya, at that particular moment, all the not-so-sweet memories just flushed away. Alhamdulillah.

So, that’s the goodbye. Regrets? I think I have a few. For chemistry lost from a friend probably caused by my own withdrawal. For not being able to walk the finish line with my dearest friend, Hassanah. And for not being able to keep some of the friendships due to my own uncertainty.


I am now ready to step out, as a real teacher. Alhamdulillah, the 5½ yrs journey was a good one. I thought it could take forever when I first walked in, but it ended in just a blink. Just a gulp. The graduation ceremony will take place in May, long way to go. I can;t wait because that is when I will be meeting my Cohort 2 comrades again. I can’t thank Him enough, Allah the Almighty for His kindness and punca segala rezeki. I will be graduating with Second Class Upper degree in Teaching English as a Second Language, with an additional Merit for teaching practice. Alhamdulillah.

To my Cohort 2 friends, good luck and all the best. Let’s rock the teaching field.

Let’s Initiate changes.
Love;
NFA