Of Kota Marudu and PSP?

It is almost a week after I got to know which state I will be posted to. In a week, I have been to Singapore, back to KL and managed to get to know that I will be sent to Kota Marudu, flying from KLIA on the 7th day of January 2009. More specifically, within the week, I actually managed to hold a Kenduri Doa Selamat and Kesyukuran, celebrated my grandma’s birthday with perfect attendance of my cousins (which rarely happened because I was abroad, my cousins were in boarding school etc), went out for a farewell lunch and breakfast with my closest friends and last but not least, I bought a PSP. Portable Play Station. Can I just say that, the thought that I might not have proper ‘entertainment’ in Sabah lead me to make the purchase? I was not and I am still not a game addict or enthusiast. I just like the idea of having a portable machine that can store things; pictures, songs, movies and of course all sort of games. So, that’s my explanation.

Of going to Sabah, I must say that I was shocked but not really surprised. One string has been pulled and it failed. My recommendation letter from my former GB (during practicum) also didn’t quite play the magic. I took the news quite alright. My mother was unhappy but my father was quite supportive. Quoting him; ‘You just go,kakak…Yang menurut perintah, right’. He was right.

Right after the trip to Singapore, I started to pack my things much to the dismay of my mother. She thought I was too eager to leave her. Ding dong. It was not that I was too eager, it was because I basically had nothing to do during the hols and by packing up my stuff, I guessed I was utilising my time for the right thing.

About going and not going. There are few friends that I learned might not be going to ‘lapor diri’. I have no judgement and not in the position to make one. It is up to the one; to decide whether he or she shall take the first step of their future right away (that means to lapor diri on the required date) or let it linger a while (wait for the second posting offer which might come in two months or four years time) or let it pass (which means you let the offer pass?). None of the mentioned acts promises a strong and solid future, personally, that’s what I think. Each has its own advantages, risks and challenges that require one to carefully choose and walk on. I guess I am being very broad here.

I have to say that I am very motivated to go and teach in Sabah despite of all the shocking news. I will (partially) list them, in order:
Placed in Sabah
Placed in Kota Marudu. Alone while others mostly got Sandakan. And I was with that shocking news for half an hour before a friend called and said she got Kota Marudu too. You do not want to know what I have been thinking during that half an hour.

The truth is, my source of motivation is me, myself and I. Of course, there are people around me who gave a lot of nasihat and kata-kata pendek for me to go and look for valuable experiences in Sabah but they are just saying those to respond to the news (that I’ll be going to Sabah), I think. The real motivator is the thing inside my head that keeps telling me that it is alright to start my career in a place that I might have not imagined I’d be in before. I can’t keep my on my comfort ground all the times. Sometimes, I just have to let KLCC go…and go explore Pasar Pagi in Kota Marudu instead? And I believe in one thing; He will always be with me. Allah is the best of providers. I really love saying that. And, just now, I read Abang Faisal’s entry about being posted to Sabah and I was touched by what he wrote. Saya tumpang letak ye, abg Faisal…


Life might not be fair to you,
but...it doesn't give you the right to treat other people unfairly.
Life might not be fair to you,
but... you could make it fair to millions of life around you.
Life might not seem to be fair to you,
but... who are you to say so,
when you're destined to be great,
you're fated to something more!
(firus_azali_ 070108)
a poem written as a challenge to my own self,
without intention of implying it to anyone else.

I appreciate this short poem, probably written from the deepest point of his heart and this piece of writing is actually helping me to play support for the motivation button in my head. Adding to that, The Ustaz who lead the prayers during the kenduri the other day said (dalam nada paling menyentuh hati) ‘Insya Allah, takpe pergi jauh, untuk mendidik anak bangsa’. Insya Allah.

I am now waiting for the day of the flight and I can’t wait to see the place physically. I am praying that I will not lose the battle that I haven’t fought for. Insya Allah. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hatiku. Amin.